Deathless
Pranayama
Year by year it’s becomes very difficult to do regular
meditations in day to day life due to ill health and external problems. Many
years back I have noticed with many gurus was always says that particularly on
the ill health and continuous cough related illness. Yogis of tamilnadu made
their special type of medicines from the herbs and natural ingredients. They
call as paspam, kayam, legiyam, kashayam etc whatever in siddha medicines was prepared
only for yogis. Some of the heavy doses prepared in siddha medicines will cure diseases
raised for yogis and it’s not recommended for common men. But it’s misinterpreted
and distributing to all common people. Every year some illness will raise in
particular period and makes me sick without any pre caution symptoms. Its takes
time to cure makes me skip the early morning yogic practices. It’s unable to
help my family during office and school hours.
Seven years back, my wife had miscarried and admitted
in the fortis hospital, nagarabhavi. Previous day itself minute signals were
started with bleeding. “Will see for a day, otherwise will go for extraction on
tomorrow” said by Dr.Manjula. Next day morning we sent our son to oxford school
that He was on UKG. Admitted my wife in hospital due to bleeding. I conveyed to
friend and asked him to inform our superiors. Afternoon, I got a call from
office that superiors want me personally to report for leave, said by friend.
Wife shifted to room, I informed to her parents who
were 800 km away from Bangalore. They may reach next day. I requested staff
nurses to take care of her. I went to school and conveyed to head mistress and
took my son. Went directly with kid to my office and informed our head of this
region. I asked, if our staff at hospital for emergency reasons, it is required
to report directly by person? And it’s any central government rules are quoted
“I asked. They said my question was high than my basic salary.
I entirely depressed with the situations brought to me
from my office. I approached Karnataka state human rights commission, but they
kept my representation under the pillow. Then I took local people who well
known the constituencies. I gave representation to chairman by hand written in
front of Member of Parliament. He signed and sent fax in front of me to
Secretary, government of India who is our head and also a copy sent to national
human rights commission. Fact finding committee came from my department due to
national commission and asked me to produce witness. I was sitting in front of
inquiry committee for the whole day to prove my side of witness. But my friend was
not turned up. It’s well known. Evening, they closed the inquiry against me due
to failure to produce witnesses. I went to friend house and came to know that
he was admitted in fortis hospital for heart problem. I went directly to fortis
and inquired about him. They said “he is in emergency ward at the entrance”. I
went inside and found that my friend was lying on the bed. Nearby the person
was standing whom I gave complaint against to commission. Its pity and bitter
situations there, department admitted witness with the complainant whom I taken
complaint against to Delhi. He said, I got chest pain thillai, so I came to
hospital and he closed the eyes.
Many tactical situations I was facing for last eight
years on this inquiry. Then department brought inquiry proceedings on me, made their
witnesses as official from whom I gave complaint against. Till today,
department is conducting inquiry proceedings promptly with officers whom I have
worked with. Administrative officer said”government will listen only our voice,
what we give only they shall take; they never take your witness”. One of top
level officer met at Mumbai airport while travelling together in the same
flight and said” I will keep you in this same cadre”. For my higher grade
interview, inquiry authority and top officers will attend for my representative
in interview board. Many situations and circumstances which I have
faced and write on this, it will extend pain on my wounds. They denied taking
defense assistant for my case from Chennai. Top rankers in IRS, toppers in
Indian law were ready to appear for me in my case due to mercy.
An extreme problem was faced by me on financial
background. My salary passes through bank for my home loan. It became
compulsory to do extra work for our normal living and surviving. Wife started
going to job in school. On Many situations I unable to satisfy my kid requisition.
I reduced all my expenses and spent only for my family. My close friend suresh used
to send dresses for me for these last seven years from chennai. Whatever I am wearing
dresses till today it was sent by him. I struggled to pay fee for my kid once
and took large amount from my provident fund. I fell sick and thought I become
burdened to family. Pay commission came and saved my demise. People who given
witnesses against me never connected with me before or at any time. Some people
got favors for their obligations. Most of them are worshipers of god and
giving advice's in face book, some hug saibaba statue and given photos in face
book. Everyone is happy, but the pain brought by them is paining.
Few months back during inquiry proceedings, inquiry
officer denied my request for extension of defense statements and witnesses. I
requested extension for a month due to my defense assistant son’s marriage at
Bangalore. Witnesses were enquired from departmental side and they were
delivered in front of me like recorded statements. I can’t cross examine those
statements and I can’t bring officers and staffs to give witnesses due to
promotion and transfer. Inquiry officer issued the daily order sheet with
extension for fifteen days and said it will be closed in the next attempt.
General
Afternoon at 2.30 hrs, entered in to my flat. Maid
asked” shall I make warm the food and sambar”. I asked “where is kid”. She said
“sleeping”. I don’t want food” I said.
I entered in to bed room. 8 months old daughter was
sleeping on the cot. I came out and stand in front of my guru photo which was
kept in between three feet metal lamp. I throw that daily order sheet given by
inquiry officer on guru photo. I feel like throw on my guru face. I said” see
this, for this purpose only you brought me in to these yogic practices? I feel ashamed
in front of others due to these situations. You know about me, I never said
lies, I never did wrong thing to any person till today. Then why you have
brought me like this situations and circumstances in society. I will throw you
from my house” I said. I never went to any temple. I never trusted god, I have
not seen god, but I am always seeing you. But you make me sufferer here. I got
angry.
I came inside the bedroom and sat near my daughter,
she was on sound sleep. I was sitting for some time and started doing meditation.
All my entire body gets warm suddenly. I faced suffocation
It should not happen. I changed the system of breath in particular direction of
flow. But its failure, repeatedly. Again I changed with opening of eyes. Body
started getting cold. I turned left and check whether air conditioner is
working. But it’s off. Body suddenly gets extreme cold. I stopped meditation
and closed my eyes. That was nothing inside the body. I opened the eyes and
started meditation.
It appears as blue in front of me, revolving around
me. The colors are changing continuously. Suddenly I disappeared. I can’t able
to open my eyes even I opened my eyes. Started seeing the images one after
another. It took me to the place where my father was buried. He was standing
with my son whom expired first in our family. I found he was growing in dad’s
hand. I was very happy when I seeing my son who went away from our hands. He
was smiling. I try to talk to father. But he is not replying. I turned and see
where my dad’ aunt kept as a soul in a small temple. She the old lady standing
in front of temple said” don’t cry”.
A blind guru was sitting and laughing loudly. I flew
down near to him. He said “go back, who told to come here’. I bow down in front
of blind guru with folded hand. He turned right and said to his disciple”siva tell
him to go”. Siva said” he is our fellow”. We can’t do. I flew down above the
forest and found the falls was falling down. Guru was on deep meditation inside
the hole made in the big tree. It’s a hole created for him when his guru had
jeeva Samadhi. He asked why you came; I will come and see you. But I was
standing and seeing him. He disappeared from the hole and appears in front of
me.
He disappearing, appearing flew down here and there,
sitting on the leaves. I bow down in front of him, I said” leave me from this
world”. He disappeared and appears as crystals alike as ice cubes. I unable to
locate him in front of me. The holy master throws me from that place. Masters
are always masters. I went inside the hall where many people sitting to see the
astrologer. I went inside and bow down in front of him. He seeing me when I
came inside, but he continued the predictions for a lady sitting in front of
him.
Thillai, he called me, “go back”, you come out of the
layer; it’s dangerous to travel like this. Don’t close the eyes, open your eyes
he said. I cried in front of him” you spoiled my entire life”?
He said” don’t get angry on me, I said you plenty of
times, don’t take the meditations, it’s not so easy to cross this material
world but you only insist and taken this. One in crore can achieve this, be
happy, we the kids of great masters, he never forget. He comes whenever he
required you. Sufferings are the tests for you. I argued” all your people in
Samadhi, so it’s easy for you can tell like this”. He was laughing loudly in
front of the people. People were thinking this fellow becomes mad.
I came out and flew to see my mother, she was praying
to god solaimma. Goddess used to come and see her. She unable to see me, I tried
to show her.
Again I went to see the guide, he got angry” bring the
water” he said to his wife. She brought water in stainless cup. I said to him
“give it, I am very thirsty. He was laughing and said “you are very thirsty
now, get last from here”.
He took water in his right palm and showered water on
me. I became wet.
saw that I was sitting on the cot near my daughter. She
hits me with her left leg indicates that she woke up. Pigeons lay eggs on our
balcony. Pan leaves growing up to the iron grill. Suddenly I disappeared again.
I felt I am sitting on the cot. I tried to open my eyes, but it’s not opening.
Sweating started continuously. I felt yogis never get sweat. But it’s sweating
today. Had Burning sense on the back side of my chest. Heart is not working.
Whole body kept off position now. A pain started from my right leg thigh. It
comes up to centre of the chest. I tried to blow my breath, but whole systems
was kept off seems.
Coughing
started, I saw son was standing with school uniform, maid was standing near him.
I was making solid sound like shells. Bell was ringing continuously, unable to
hear the enormous decibel. I tried to come out from the breath. But it’s
paining on my chest. I was crying but unable to move from the meditation pose.
Maid servant came and took my daughter from the bed. Son got scared and came
near and hugged me and said “papa”. I called my great master to save me.
Everything is disappeared. He gave me water to drink.
The same water my guru sprayed on me. He said” why you cried”, why you make
sound like this during meditation?. Today I become sick”, go and change the
uniform.
Slowly, I came out from the bed, took my daughter from
maid servant and said “prepare tea for me”. She turned to kitchen. I went near
to guru photo and kneel down in front of him. Folded my hands and said “I know
you. Don’t take me, I have family, I have to complete the responsibility.
Forgive me” I said with tears.
Holding daughter on my Left hand and praying “daughter
was laughing on me”.
After some days, received information that inquiry
officer had blocks in heart at airport itself while going, when he had left on
that day after the inquiry at Bangalore and admitted in the hospital for
surgery. They postponed inquiry proceedings for two months indefinitely.
