Year by year it’s becomes very difficult to do regular meditations in day to day life due to ill health and external problems. Many years back I have noticed with many gurus was always says that particularly on the ill health and continuous cough related illness. Yogis of tamilnadu made their special type of medicines from the herbs and natural ingredients. They call as paspam, kayam, legiyam, kashayam etc whatever in siddha medicines was prepared only for yogis. Some of the heavy doses prepared in siddha medicines will cure diseases raised for yogis and it’s not recommended for common men. But it’s misinterpreted and distributing to all common people. Every year some illness will raise in particular period and makes me sick without any pre caution symptoms. Its takes time to cure makes me skip the early morning yogic practices. It’s unable to help my family during office and school hours.
Seven years back, my wife had miscarried and admitted in the fortis hospital, nagarabhavi. Previous day itself minute signals were started with bleeding. “Will see for a day, otherwise will go for extraction on tomorrow” said by Dr.Manjula. Next day morning we sent our son to oxford school that He was on UKG. Admitted my wife in hospital due to bleeding. I conveyed to friend and asked him to inform our superiors. Afternoon, I got a call from office that superiors want me personally to report for leave, said by friend.
Wife shifted to room, I informed to her parents who were 800 km away from Bangalore. They may reach next day. I requested staff nurses to take care of her. I went to school and conveyed to head mistress and took my son. Went directly with kid to my office and informed our head of this region. I asked, if our staff at hospital for emergency reasons, it is required to report directly by person? And it’s any central government rules are quoted “I asked. They said my question was high than my basic salary.
I entirely depressed with the situations brought to me from my office. I approached Karnataka state human rights commission, but they kept my representation under the pillow. Then I took local people who well known the constituencies. I gave representation to chairman by hand written in front of Member of Parliament. He signed and sent fax in front of me to Secretary, government of India who is our head and also a copy sent to national human rights commission. Fact finding committee came from my department due to national commission and asked me to produce witness. I was sitting in front of inquiry committee for the whole day to prove my side of witness. But my friend was not turned up. It’s well known. Evening, they closed the inquiry against me due to failure to produce witnesses. I went to friend house and came to know that he was admitted in fortis hospital for heart problem. I went directly to fortis and inquired about him. They said “he is in emergency ward at the entrance”. I went inside and found that my friend was lying on the bed. Nearby the person was standing whom I gave complaint against to commission. Its pity and bitter situations there, department admitted witness with the complainant whom I taken complaint against to Delhi. He said, I got chest pain thillai, so I came to hospital and he closed the eyes.
Many tactical situations I was facing for last eight years on this inquiry. Then department brought inquiry proceedings on me, made their witnesses as official from whom I gave complaint against. Till today, department is conducting inquiry proceedings promptly with officers whom I have worked with. Administrative officer said”government will listen only our voice, what we give only they shall take; they never take your witness”. One of top level officer met at Mumbai airport while travelling together in the same flight and said” I will keep you in this same cadre”. For my higher grade interview, inquiry authority and top officers will attend for my representative in interview board. Many situations and circumstances which I have faced and write on this, it will extend pain on my wounds. They denied taking defense assistant for my case from Chennai. Top rankers in IRS, toppers in Indian law were ready to appear for me in my case due to mercy.
An extreme problem was faced by me on financial background. My salary passes through bank for my home loan. It became compulsory to do extra work for our normal living and surviving. Wife started going to job in school. On Many situations I unable to satisfy my kid requisition. I reduced all my expenses and spent only for my family. My close friend suresh used to send dresses for me for these last seven years from chennai. Whatever I am wearing dresses till today it was sent by him. I struggled to pay fee for my kid once and took large amount from my provident fund. I fell sick and thought I become burdened to family. Pay commission came and saved my demise. People who given witnesses against me never connected with me before or at any time. Some people got favors for their obligations. Most of them are worshipers of god and giving advice's in face book, some hug saibaba statue and given photos in face book. Everyone is happy, but the pain brought by them is paining.
Few months back during inquiry proceedings, inquiry officer denied my request for extension of defense statements and witnesses. I requested extension for a month due to my defense assistant son’s marriage at Bangalore. Witnesses were enquired from departmental side and they were delivered in front of me like recorded statements. I can’t cross examine those statements and I can’t bring officers and staffs to give witnesses due to promotion and transfer. Inquiry officer issued the daily order sheet with extension for fifteen days and said it will be closed in the next attempt.
Afternoon at 2.30 hrs, entered in to my flat. Maid asked” shall I make warm the food and sambar”. I asked “where is kid”. She said “sleeping”. I don’t want food” I said.
I entered in to bed room. 8 months old daughter was sleeping on the cot. I came out and stand in front of my guru photo which was kept in between three feet metal lamp. I throw that daily order sheet given by inquiry officer on guru photo. I feel like throw on my guru face. I said” see this, for this purpose only you brought me in to these yogic practices? I feel ashamed in front of others due to these situations. You know about me, I never said lies, I never did wrong thing to any person till today. Then why you have brought me like this situations and circumstances in society. I will throw you from my house” I said. I never went to any temple. I never trusted god, I have not seen god, but I am always seeing you. But you make me sufferer here. I got angry.
I came inside the bedroom and sat near my daughter, she was on sound sleep. I was sitting for some time and started doing meditation.
All my entire body gets warm suddenly. I faced suffocation It should not happen. I changed the system of breath in particular direction of flow. But its failure, repeatedly. Again I changed with opening of eyes. Body started getting cold. I turned left and check whether air conditioner is working. But it’s off. Body suddenly gets extreme cold. I stopped meditation and closed my eyes. That was nothing inside the body. I opened the eyes and started meditation.
It appears as blue in front of me, revolving around me. The colors are changing continuously. Suddenly I disappeared. I can’t able to open my eyes even I opened my eyes. Started seeing the images one after another. It took me to the place where my father was buried. He was standing with my son whom expired first in our family. I found he was growing in dad’s hand. I was very happy when I seeing my son who went away from our hands. He was smiling. I try to talk to father. But he is not replying. I turned and see where my dad’ aunt kept as a soul in a small temple. She the old lady standing in front of temple said” don’t cry”.
A blind guru was sitting and laughing loudly. I flew down near to him. He said “go back, who told to come here’. I bow down in front of blind guru with folded hand. He turned right and said to his disciple”siva tell him to go”. Siva said” he is our fellow”. We can’t do. I flew down above the forest and found the falls was falling down. Guru was on deep meditation inside the hole made in the big tree. It’s a hole created for him when his guru had jeeva Samadhi. He asked why you came; I will come and see you. But I was standing and seeing him. He disappeared from the hole and appears in front of me.
He disappearing, appearing flew down here and there, sitting on the leaves. I bow down in front of him, I said” leave me from this world”. He disappeared and appears as crystals alike as ice cubes. I unable to locate him in front of me. The holy master throws me from that place. Masters are always masters. I went inside the hall where many people sitting to see the astrologer. I went inside and bow down in front of him. He seeing me when I came inside, but he continued the predictions for a lady sitting in front of him.
Thillai, he called me, “go back”, you come out of the layer; it’s dangerous to travel like this. Don’t close the eyes, open your eyes he said. I cried in front of him” you spoiled my entire life”?
He said” don’t get angry on me, I said you plenty of times, don’t take the meditations, it’s not so easy to cross this material world but you only insist and taken this. One in crore can achieve this, be happy, we the kids of great masters, he never forget. He comes whenever he required you. Sufferings are the tests for you. I argued” all your people in Samadhi, so it’s easy for you can tell like this”. He was laughing loudly in front of the people. People were thinking this fellow becomes mad.
I came out and flew to see my mother, she was praying to god solaimma. Goddess used to come and see her. She unable to see me, I tried to show her.
Again I went to see the guide, he got angry” bring the water” he said to his wife. She brought water in stainless cup. I said to him “give it, I am very thirsty. He was laughing and said “you are very thirsty now, get last from here”.
He took water in his right palm and showered water on me. I became wet.
saw that I was sitting on the cot near my daughter. She hits me with her left leg indicates that she woke up. Pigeons lay eggs on our balcony. Pan leaves growing up to the iron grill. Suddenly I disappeared again. I felt I am sitting on the cot. I tried to open my eyes, but it’s not opening. Sweating started continuously. I felt yogis never get sweat. But it’s sweating today. Had Burning sense on the back side of my chest. Heart is not working. Whole body kept off position now. A pain started from my right leg thigh. It comes up to centre of the chest. I tried to blow my breath, but whole systems was kept off seems.
Coughing started, I saw son was standing with school uniform, maid was standing near him. I was making solid sound like shells. Bell was ringing continuously, unable to hear the enormous decibel. I tried to come out from the breath. But it’s paining on my chest. I was crying but unable to move from the meditation pose. Maid servant came and took my daughter from the bed. Son got scared and came near and hugged me and said “papa”. I called my great master to save me.
Everything is disappeared. He gave me water to drink. The same water my guru sprayed on me. He said” why you cried”, why you make sound like this during meditation?. Today I become sick”, go and change the uniform.
Slowly, I came out from the bed, took my daughter from maid servant and said “prepare tea for me”. She turned to kitchen. I went near to guru photo and kneel down in front of him. Folded my hands and said “I know you. Don’t take me, I have family, I have to complete the responsibility. Forgive me” I said with tears.
Holding daughter on my Left hand and praying “daughter was laughing on me”.
After some days, received information that inquiry officer had blocks in heart at airport itself while going, when he had left on that day after the inquiry at Bangalore and admitted in the hospital for surgery. They postponed inquiry proceedings for two months indefinitely.